Dear friends behind the counter, today we have decided to offer you a short list of what we think are the now-renamed 'minchiologists,' a category so on the rise that it is now widely multifaceted and increasingly complex.
- THE COLLECTOR: The one who changes jiggers every time he has to pour a different ingredient into his shaker, who has as many boston as ingredients on his list and an indefinite number of strainers to strain the ice; the type of minchiologist who, like a woman in the shopping phase, comes home, pulls off her best 'Puss in Boots' expression from Shrek and justifies herself to her partner with the most innocent of 'Sorry, but I really needed that'; the one who starts transferring her toys from the club to her home, self-posing the question 'it's me or them,' not so much as a matter of principle but of space. A special thanks from RG to all those in this category.
- THE OPTIONAL: the one who, if a customer asks him for a Martini, manifests to him all along the bar an array of Bulldogs, Tanqueray No. 10, Bombay, Hendrick's, Gin Mare, Beefeater, Gordon's, Plymouth, and so many other types of Gin, leaving only the chance for our unfortunate patron to be able to admit 'Sorry, but I don't know the difference,' a phrase that urges him to bust out a portentous shake of his head.
- THE FLAIR-LIFE: those who have failed to realize that flair is also and above all for speeding up work, not just for being cool. While it's true that the eye wants its share, it's also true that taste takes center stage when you find yourself in front of your drink. Take care!
- DECORATORS: ever since customers started photographing even beer averages, our bartender friends have begun to lavish themselves on scary decorations: dear friends, mind you, the rule that the more stuff you stick on top of the glass the more eye-popping effect you will have does not apply! Rather, the effect can prove revolting: please avoid half rotten bananas, wilted mint, chili peppers and frankfurters skewered on glasses loaded like bilichi!
- THE FASHIONERS: true mercenaries you could observe in suits and ties during the hotellerie boom, but the following week they sported long, thick mustaches, suspenders and checked shirts, replaced in no time by Hawaiian ones. Those who sported, in order, on their counters: chevrons, angostura bottles and tiki mugs on the counter, putting to shame all those who have worked for years to specialize in one of those styles. Gentlemen, personalities!
- THE FIRST WOMEN: They may have won a competition, or worse just participated in one, and because of that they feel entitled to walk around with the stink 'under the nose,' wallowing in the belief that anyone should lay red velvet carpets and rose petals at their feet: they don't wave and smile, woe!
- THE UNTOUCHABLES: aaaaaaaah, what a beautiful category! They are all those beautiful people who dare to criticize the work of their colleagues, to mock them, as if they were born learned, experts in the trade, when perhaps true experts are not even after so many years. Yet their little drinks are nowhere to be seen, especially not on social media. Clearly, a presence on Facebook is not synonymous with professionalism, but the oddity is that these specimens show up on media channels only to criticize the work of others, and often hide their nastiness behind a poorly concealed sense of humor and misunderstood irony. WARNING, an antidote to this disease has not yet been created!
- THE 'INTERNATIONAL': these are the ones who think that since they have a couple of friends 'out of Italy' then it is appropriate to show them their dexterity with foreign languages, expressing themselves in a wonderfully incomprehensible way, often jumping from dialects of their own language to English and maybe, why not, if they go away to Spain or France then they will slip in a few words of the local language as well. Dear friends, but if you don't even know Italian, why venture into foreign languages?
- THE UBIQUI: those who now enjoy a certain fame, such that, they manage to be in several places at once to be contest judges, special guests and participate in different bar-shows. Ebbeatiloro.
- THE ALTERNATIVES: those who 'no-to-socials,' 'no-to-modes,' 'no-to-events,' 'no-to-racing,' 'NO TO EVERYTHING' because they've been working in the industry all their lives anyway, who have cut their teeth, seen and tried everything and need nothing else, neither the colleagues to compare themselves with nor the new means that this beautiful profession offers. So be it.